top secret

last week, i was picking up around the apartment. socks here, a random cat toy there... and todd says, "what's that sound?" i didn't hear anything, but as i kept moving, we realized that my bra squeaked! every time my upper body moved, thar she blew. my delusional self told me it was nothing; perhaps this angel just misplaced her wings. friday i was on a conference call with dept. of education folks, and i reached to plug in my laptop, and sqeeeaaak! i looked around me. one colleague was hastily finishing his yogurt before the call began and the other dilligently reading through his notes. i sat back down, and twisted to grab my pen. sqeeeaaak! i thought to myself, not another one! i quickly looked at my bra strap and saw it was the same chocolate bra that had creaked and hemmed and hawed earlier at home. over the weekend, i tested out my other other-the-shoulder-boulder holders and concluded that only my favoritist bra ever was making any noise. boo. on sunday, i took the yakking underwired mess back to victoria's secret, where this lovely conversation occurred:

VS chick: hi! welcome to victoria's secret! may i help you with anything today?
becca: actually, yes! i bought this bra last month (with my angels card, no less), and now it squeaks. i have several others, none of which makes a sound. but this one, it squeaks. all the time. in meetings, at home, tucked away in my drawer, everywhere! i wash all of them the same. could you help me?
VS c: um. really? it squeaks?
b: yes. see? (whips out bra, lightly taps underwire. "squeak!")
VS c: tee hee hee hee hee! ha! wow. cool!
b: um. no. not cool. especially at work. people might think i need oiling or something.
VS c: let me see what i can do. (puts on headset and loudly announces any staff listening) i have a customer here who bought several bras awhile ago. now one of them, um, ah, squeaks tee hee! and she thinks people notice it.
b: no. they do. really. my boyfriend pointed it out to me from 10 feet away, and i'm pretty sure the whole federal government knows by now. as does anyone riding a 21, 5, 30, or 9x bus. and my neighbors- gee, what if they've heard it though the floorboards?
VS c: uh huh. uh huh. i know. crazy! uh huh. (takes off headset) yeah, we'll do an exchange for you. just this once. hee hee hee! squeak!

then i got lectured about never using a washing machine to wash my bras, even though in the 16 years of wearing them, i've never had a squeaky bra incident. ever. but, the good thing was i left with a replacement bra, although not in the chocolate color i've loved so dearly and headed to the gym to practice making my knee go around in circles on the bike. moral of the story: squeaky bra is to funny stares as sports bra is to uniboob. and sadly, i think i'd prefer the confused looks anyday.

it all comes down to poo

i'm sure someone's going to come after me for pointing this out, but is this really a good name for a radio station? and the first black-owned radio station on the west coast, for that matter? actually, they have great member-supported programming, but still... you gotta giggle a little. or chuckle. but no snorting milk out of your nose, ok? that would be uncool. poo. heehee.

marching forward in may

todd's left allowing me to plan our european trip as well as our hawaii 5-0 redo. i've been looking at easy-to-carry luggage, like this one, but we don't have a need for easy-access shovel blades or water portholes. blow holes, maybe. but portholes, no. i'd pretty much given up until the other day (pre-nose) when i saw the perfect set at flight 001. wouldn't it be so cute if we had matching penguin luggage? there we'd be, waddling running through the streets of prague rolling our polyester penguins on wheels, trying to catch our night train. now if only i could convince todd...

the dark side

sure, dark chocolate m&m's don't taste like much, but the new commercial is smooth (and much better than the star wars version). too bad the snaps are off.

moo.

thanks to my recent nasal restructuring (like at work, only they moved my deviated septum to the left and not all the incompetent/unnecessary employees out the door), i wished my mom a happy udder's day today. sigh. but at least it gave me a reason to get off the couch and google cow costumes.

it's getting hot in here...

my brain feels like oatmeal mush this morning; i think it's from the hot, hot, hotness outside. i slept in a sticky puddle of drool last night, and i woke up every hour fearing i was entering menopause 25 years early. blech. at least in south florida we had air conditioning; here, we just have ice cubes.

this morning, i received an email from blue nile (will these people stop emailing me? please? it just makes me feel poorer and less sparkly) with suggestions on what to give my mom for mother's day. and i'm sorry, but i just laughed. chuckled, even. um... a $2,900 diamond eternity band? or a $45 sweetheart necklace? apparently, blue nile thinks i'm either a sugar daddy or a 5-year-old child, neither of which is the case. those baking mitts are starting to look better and better... and i know my mom's always wanted something filled with silicone! just kidding. sort of.