tastes good with catsup!

for those who need a laugh, chuckle, or snort today. thanks, i can has cheezeburger!

b's knees

men are great. really. especially todd. but what's up with guys sitting in their seats on the bus, yet splaying their legs out to the sides? is there a reason why they need more leg room? maybe because something naturally pushes their legs into a frog position? 'cuz i get on the bus, show my fastpass, sit in a seat (if i'm lucky), and then the guy next to me always flops his legs out as if my space is his space. in my head, i say, "buddy. my fastpass covered me for this seat. me. not me and your knobby knees. or me, your knees, and your two books on how to approach women without drooling all over your argyle pullover. oh look! half of your left shoulder is in my space, too! no wonder my arm is halfway out the window. so move it, mister." but i don't. yet i'm sick of losing my space; you know, that small yet important patch of air in front of and within the confines of my seat. having to put my legs out straight in front of me or crushed into the side of the bus because some dude thinks it's ok to let his knees conveniently drop to the sides while he reads his paper, listens to his ipod, and/or clammers away on his iphone-you-don't-phone-phone is so not ok. maybe i should start carrying a taser... buzzzzzzzzz.

using your noodle

random gmail user: hi
me: who is this?
random gmail user: Hi i am vinne
me: and do i know you?
random gmail user: Nope. I was just searching for some stuff on google and ur page came up. I read it and liked the way you have expressed yourself. So added you to see if you are online.
me: my page? what page?
random gmail user: vlogger
blogger
I apologize for the typing mistake.
me: i didn't even realize that my email info was up there.
random gmail user: I apologize if you didn't like me adding you.
You have the google talk ID there.
If you wish, i can delete / block you rightaway.
(giant pause) i liked your profile so added you to see if you are online and we can talk
me: gee, that's nice... but an email might have been a better "first hello."
random gmail user: Okay. I am sorry for not using brains ... ha ha
me: um. yeah. brains are meant to be used.
random gmail user: Thanks. so ... what's up?

click.

time to shave

just a few hours until harry potter in 3d! i'm all prepped. tickets, check. boyfriend on the road towards the metreon, check. backpack full of "healthy" movie treats (raspberries, pretzels, trail mix, orzo salad, caprese salad, and root beer) to off-set the scent of popcorn and nachos in our midst, check.

on a side note, book 7 is scheduled to be delivered on july 21st, the same day we have a's tickets. luckily the game is at 6pm, which gives me about 8 hours to finish the book. if i don't, i'll probably cry. or hex you.

long live harry potter!

fanny may i

yes, i'm cross-posting. i admit it; i'm lazy.

tomorrow morning i'm waking up at the crack of dawn (or somewhere close to it) to volunteer at fanfest. i get in free, get to wear a yellow polo with non-jean bottoms, and perhaps i'll be able to sniff cal ripken, jr. and determine what shampoo he uses before they cart me away to the loony bin.

at volunteer orientation yesterday, we got our assignments (mine and the girl's in front of me got "lost"-- apparently, the new software they used wasn't able to print out a report of those who didn't get placed into volunteer slots, and so they had no record of me or the girl, even though we both had very nice emails welcoming us to the fanfest family. honestly, you'd think they have something against 5'5" women with last names beginning with "h". or using technology that works. hello! we're in the bay area, not jersey!).

then, once in the orientation, we cheered "dhl", "all-star", and "fanfest" according to which group of seats we were in (but no wave. go figure. guess it's more a staple in oakland?). in addition, we got the first piece of our volunteer attire. no, not our canary-colored polos. or our brick red caps. but our fanny packs! yessiree, mlb has assured me that these things are coming back in style, like, tomorrow! that's right, the fanfest volunteers will be strutting their fanny pack selves all over san francisco (or at least SOMA), shaking their fannies like they're packed to the max. no way! yes way! whoo-hoo! and i get to wear one? all weekend long? promise? can i wear it to work, too? at least i'll be prepped for our trip to prague. i'm sure the pickpockets there won't assume i'm an american tourist; instead, my white socks and sneakers should be the dead giveaway.

i kid you not.

reasons why todd and i haven’t popped out kids yet

1. alphie would be jealous.

2. i bribe todd to carry watermelon home from trader joe’s, so how could i lug one around in my belly for 9 months and then push it out of my vajayjay?

3. we’ve taken a vow of celibacy celery. no ants on a log or cool relief from morningstar “buffalo wings” for us.

4. our kid could never compare to oren (cuteness-wise, at least. see above.).

5. todd’s still got hope that gisele bundchen, heidi klum, or natalie portman will run away with him.

6. we're not married yet. or at all. (see #5)

7. it would interfere with my drinking problem. *hiccup*

just say nay.

recently, i've had a string of bad experiences that have left my dining/movie going/car rental outings a little sour. now, in the past, i might have huffed and puffed and blown my head off, but lately, i've taken quite a strong liking to the quill and parchment method of years gone by. or in today's bustling word, microsoft word.

bad lunch experience at two-go? the general manager offers a solution: he hand delivers lunch to me (and several coworkers), totally making up for the sketch root beer and off-tasting salads. and did i mention he included extra desserts? mmm... speaking of dessert, no dessert and drinks at a table at magnolia? the owner (dave) sends a very nice, multi-paragraph email back. he cares, he really does, and he felt really badly about the staff turning us away for em's birthday pot de creme and homemade beer. hybrid not quite hybriding from fox rent-a-car? they repay us the difference in gas (ok, what more could you expect from a rental car company?) and credit our mastercard. yes, we're still waiting to hear from the amc 14 van ness re: pickpocketers, indifferent (and non-existent) security staff, and con artist parking attendants, but 3 out of 4 is a pretty good track record for 2 weeks and being busy as a bee (especially with the lack of bees lately).

now if only our landlord was as respondent to our letters recounting freezing nights, blueish feet, and excel spreadsheets detailing our apartment's dipping temperature. perhaps it'd be more effective if i turned the sheet into a color-coded chart... buzzz.