Things to do and NOT to do when Muni is running late

As I will be spending most of tomorrow in a cramped window seat on a plane staring out at the vast expanse we call the USA, I thought I'd post tomorrow's post today. Oh, and I've gotten a comment or two that my cynicism has gone a little too far. Because of that, I've chosen to focus more on what TO DO than what NOT TO DO. Enjoy!


Things to do and NOT to do when Muni is running late

DO:

• Knit all of your fellow waiters furry cashmere caps with their choice of ears or a poof on top. When the fog rolls in and you're still waiting, everyone will greatly appreciate you. Someone might even treat you to a hot chocolate with soy and a shot of caramel syrup.

• Form a MUNI-rider support system. "My name is Becca, and I've been a MUNI rider for almost 4 years. I depend on MUNI for all of my basic transportation needs: chasing bison through Golden Gate Park, exchanging pants at Express, going to the Balboa movie theater for the latest and greatest double-feature, and navigating passed the ice-cream sellers in the Mission."

• Determine how old that MUNI map really is. Does the 42 still service the Van Ness corridor? I don't think so, but let's grab our sleeping bags, some porn, and wait for it and see...

• Walk along the bus route (on the sidewalk, not in the street). You'll get exercise plus a change of scenery. In the Tenderloin, this might be a good thing. Just walk by the crackheads; don't stop, stare, or smile. But do smile at Stan, the guy with the "SMILE!" sign. He'll appreciate it. He also appreciates powerbars, soda, and cheese.

DON'T :

• Stand in the street, pace, cry, yell "Jesus Christ", roll around on the ground, gyrate, or scream obscenities for 25 minutes. Even if you're a schizo scary woman. In the Sunset. The MUNI Messiah might hear you, but he won't care. Trust me. And if you're carrying 6 bags full of toilet paper rolls while doing this, he might just scratch his head and say "Huh?" Oh, and if you yell at your bus driver when he arrives, expect him to yell back at you and put you in your place. You will have met your match. Remember, he has a monster bus and all you have is single-ply.