this is a THING, people.

i never knew that lactation was such a rich, engrossing field. i mean, b00bs are great and all, but leaky ones? this is a real thing, people.

zombie instagram

i must admit that i really like instagram. it chops my pictures into little squares, hides my non-existent real-life highlighting/shadowing abilities, and coats me in all things pretense and uber hipsterness. all i need now are black plastic Weezer glasses and some grandpa saddle shoes.

even with the stigma, i try and look past it to the life-alteringly amazingness that is camera phone code, bells, and whistles: cool borders, artsy purple-hued filters, AND the graininess of an old film camera. for once, i'm creeping toward the cusp of "almost with it," no longer satisfied with the "embrace j.crew and be done with it" lifestyle that i've ambiguously led all of these years.

but, dear sirs and madams, there's a filter that would improve my life fourfold: i want one that can turn my subjects from warm-hued, hippy Californians into pasty, brain-hungry zombies. that family photo that my mom turned into a holiday card needs to be zombiefied ASAP. same thing with my sister's pre-wedding festivities. the apocalypse is in, yo. so instagram, i'm waiting for you. get your brain trust hopping on this. mmm. brains.

read this

i'd been one of those dedicated google reader users. for my mom and anyone else over the age of 45, google reader was a very cool rss service--this lets you import feeds from websites and such into one streamlined place.

i loved google reader, especially because of the unqiue share functionality. i shared news articles, videos, and blog posts with a select group of people. it was private and friendly without becoming all social media-in-yo'-facey. to put it into the most simplest of terms, it was heaven.

but this week, google revamped the service and in doing so, purposefully deleted the share/following/friend functions with the intent to drive all of us google reader folk to its highly successful (wink, wink) google+. i haven't yet heard of anyone who is happy with this "upgrade."

yesterday's google reader "tips and tricks" offered this little bevy of advice:

You can hit the space key to page down and/or move to the next item. This way you can move through your reading list by using only a single finger.

i think they mean the middle one.

and today, as eve and i chatted back and forth on facebook about this (facebook! not google+), check out the ad to the right of our convo.





thank you, giftly.com, for caring. at least someone does.

good knight

i've been reading the "song of fire and ice" series recently (aka "game of thrones" for all of you hbo buffs), and last week, i finally finished book 4 of 5. i loved the first two books, but the last two have left me perplexed and tired. before i take on book 5 and become even more jaded, here's some constructive advice for author george r.r. martin:

1. stop killing the good guys (namely ned and king robb). and stop screwing over the still-living good guys (namely, the rest of the stark family). it's really hard to root for someone when it feels like they'll be stuck in some mildew-infested, dank old castle for all of eternity, being forced to smack lips and tangle tongues with their is-she-or-isn't-she-dead mother's sort-of-ex-and-very-creepy-friend-slash-boyfriend.

2. "must needs" may sound all britishy, but it drives my brain crazy. please reduce your verbage to what you need.

3. your continent of westeros is sunk in a medieval mindset where children are married off at the onset of puberty, sisters and brothers get jiggy with it (albeit quietly), rape is more common than baths, and the rights of women include nothing worth mentioning. as a woman reading your books, i keep hoping conditions improve, but i continue to be offended at every turn. and yet i keep reading, hoping one day women's lib comes to king's landing.

4. if you send your knights and what-not out on a quest (or a journey. or a supper run. or a sprightly walk through the godswood), please give them maps. it would save everyone lots of time and, maybe ONE DAY, they just might arrive at their destination. because, dude, none of us (including you) are getting any younger.

ding-a-ling

last week i updated my main ringtones. i used to have a one-for-all-and-all-for-one three musketeers approach minus the pointy swords, finely groomed facial hair, and velvet capes. no matter who called me, my phone ribbetted and tweeted like a rainforest. but not any more! ladies and gents, i've finally joined the age of basic-yet-useless technology for dummies age.

when my mom calls, my phone tells me via "mom is calling back" (a parody of justin timberlake's "sexyback"). for todd, i get the smooth, hip hop rhythms of usher. and when my older younger sister calls, i get "scoobydoobydoo." for our real estate agent? house music. umf-uh umf-uh umf-uh.

A is to jump, B is to fire.

for the past two years or so, i've received nintendo games via a branding company, and it's a pretty cool deal. every few months, a white box arrives with a game and presto, i'm off in a magical land, solving clues or searching for the princess. there have been a few times, though, when the games weren't my style.

one such was the personal trainer: cooking. you entered in some form of what you wanted to make (like "sushi") or the ingredients you had, specified things to omit and kazaam, you had not only a recipe but an illustrated how-to guide. sounds cool and for most people, i think it'd be awesome. but yes, there's a big but here. the program didn't jive with my lactose-minimal, vegetarian diet. i think i ended up with a total of five potential entrees that i could make. the set-up was really awkward, and when i cook or bake, i make a mess. flour makes it into the most unlikeliest of places, and i'm a firm supporter of dirtying whatever need be for culinary greatness. placing my (albeit complimentary) nintendo ds lite precariously in the line of (zesty tomato) fire worried me. after trying to get past the first few recipe instructions a few times, i gave up and passed it along to a nintendo-playing girlfriend and her foodie husband, both of whom eat meat. but i kept the apron that came along with it, mainly because it had "becca" sewn across the breast, and i had some inkling that a bearded dude named "lee" wouldn't have a strong urge to wear it.

a little time after this, i was emailing with one of the branding women and commented that personal trainer: cooking just didn't work for me, so she sent me a game about rhythm. apparently a lot of women were going crazy for it. me, i have rhythm, but i was getting headaches with this game. soon after, the branding ladies sent out an email asking for feedback and info on our likes and dislikes, so i offered some insights and as much information as i could, hoping to improve the process.

and then dumdumdahdaaaaaaaah! professor layton and the diabolical box arrived. this one made me use my brain, and there were twists and turns! i liked the one before it, with the curious village more, maybe because the concept seemed newer and not so repetitive... but still, the professor and i solved puzzles with astounding speed, and i felt like we were buds! hooray!

right before the holidays, style savvy arrived along with a cute little bag of very sparkly makeup. this one's a game where i could create my own clothing boutique and become a savvy, fashionable entrepreneur. keep budgets! maintain an inventory! dress your clients! i already project manage at work, so doing this for fun just wasn't doing it for me. and i'm really, really not into fashion like that. or fashion-focused games. the solution: send it to my tweenish half sister (with only some of the makeup. living in florida, i didn't think she really needed the bronzer and she's way too young for 3-day long mascara). rumor has it the game made her day, and i scored a few bonus points.

so down, up, down. the next arrival should be a plus, right? but. well. erm. today i received a large box that the facilities guy had to cart into my office with... a cart. inside the box was a cuisinart stockpot, a bamboo cutting board, onion goggles (no, really, don't cry!), and the america's test kitchen: let's get cooking program.

now, i haven't actually used the recipe program yet, but from the reviews only, it's another cooking demo trainer. or more so, it's an electronic cookbook featuring the top 300 recipes from america's test kitchen. i'm a little wary again. i love atk, but more so for its baking recipes and cookware recommendations; i've just found its recommended cooking recipes to be more highly geared towards meat and buttery fats (to get the best of the best of the best?) as opposed to what i tend to have in my kitchen. as i found before, 1) cooking tutorials aren't for everyone and 2) i don't want my nintendo device in the kitchen, period. what's next, a "how to remove that ring around the tub" trainer? or a "how to take care of a baby" program (which follow the first and second in the series: "how to make a baby: trainer" and "how to give birth: trainer")?

so

dear totally rad branding women,

please don't think i'm ungrateful because i'm not. really. the brand enthusiast program is a great outreach and word-of-mouth tool, and i'm very lucky to be a part of it. but i feel pigeonholed into a corner regarding what someone else thinks a woman gamer should like: fashion, cooking, puppies, and fitness. i can guarantee that women also enjoy puzzles, role playing (no doctor/nurse role playing, mind you), wielding a laser gun, and trivia games.

game on,
becca

location, location, location

yesterday, the state released the current list of CA's failing public schools (totalling 188 elementary, middle, and high schools). san francisco is home to 12 of these schools, and glancing at the names, i thought, "where ARE these schools?" so i decided to put them on a google map.

looking at the schools' locations, it's striking to see that the schools are mainly in crime and poverty stricken areas such as lower haight/western addition, the mission, silver terrace, visitacion valley, and the bayview/hunter's point. no failing schools in pacific heights, the sunset, or russian hill here! currently, sf doesn't have a neighborhood-centric public school system; we have a points-based school assignment process that confuses the hell out of people, and looking at this map, it seems to point (pun only slightly intended) to the current system as not being much of an equalizer; the equalizer component only comes into play if there are more applicants than spaces at a particular school.

basically, the way school assignment works is that families rank their school choices from 1-7. then, a computer system takes a bunch of factors like language spoken at home and mother's highest education level, and creates some formula which desegregates school choice. something like 50% of a school can be filled with neighborhood students and the rest are supposed to come from the rest of the city. you can see a description of the 5-year sfusd school choice demand here, which is pretty interesting, especially seeing how many families chose failing schools as their #1 pick. also to note is how some failing schools have more seats than demand. if this is the case, the assignment system doesn't come into play. sfusd says, "Whenever requests are greater than the number of seats available, SFUSD uses a process called the Student Assignment System to determine which students get an assignment offer. The Student Assignment System is a formula, made up of five race neutral factors, that calculates the probability that in a given grade randomly chosen students will be different from each other based on the five race neutral factors."

now, many families, when sending their kids to school (even public school), have to worry about things like transportation, time, and costs. and who would these issues affect the most? ding ding ding--the families who live in public housing or the lower income areas like the western addition projects, parts of the mission (not the hipster mission, mind you), and the southeastern section of the city: those who have the failing schools.

something needs to be done here. perhaps the school board, in their school assignment revision process, will take this under consideration. it's be nice if they just threw the whole thing out the window and worked on improving all schools, but that may be wishful thinking.



View SF Failing Schools 2010 in a larger map

oh no you di'int

i'm prissy. yes, i admit it. i don't intentionally do anything illegal (accidentally totalling an suv and get my nose bashed in by police in riot gear are in a category all their own) . the seatbelt is fastened, i don't carry a concealed weapon, and i file my taxes. for example, a few years ago, i took my mom and kevin to rainbow, a super-duper vegetarian (minus the supplements and cat food) grocery down near the mission and soma, and parking was atrocious. kevin parked right next to the city sign that said "no parking" in big letters and i got all snippy. "oh, no you don't! it's illegal!" i sqawked, to which he scoffed and cackled, especially when we left and didn't find any little envelope with a fine stuck anywhere near his car. but back on topic...

there's a thief at my place of employment. not a jewel thief or a prince of thieves. it's a food thief! when i was first hired, one of the first things one of my new colleagues said was, "watch out for your lunch! someone has a knack for stealing things left in the fridge or freezer." riiiight, i thought. at least, until my amy's vegan meatloaf was stolen from the freezer. and then someone started helping themselves to spoonfuls of my vegan butter tub (which had my name on it). and then my "this is becca's" labeled soy milk. and it wasn't just me; other people said the same things were happening to them, and yeah, i don't really care that their chicken salad and leftover bbq ribs were missing, but hey, it still sucks to be w/out lunch. many of us complained to facilities, which prompted lots of mass emails of "keep your hands and mouth where they belong" and such.

but i don't condone illegal things, sneakery, or cruelness, and a few weeks ago, when i found out that, of all things, my veggie "chicken" nuggets had gone missing, well, i fought back the best way i knew how. with a sword! er. with microsoft word and a laserjet printer!

my note said:

Earlier this week, I bought a box of Quorn Southwestern Chik’n Wings (and if you must know, Quorn products feature a mycoprotein, are fungus based, and are meatless). I added a few of the “wings” to my lunch on Tuesday, closed up the box, and put it back in the freezer. Today, Thursday, I went to heat up a few more, and lo and behold, the box is gone. No where to be found. Kaputsy.

This is the third time something like this has happened to me in the past six months; I’ve also had a whole tub of vegan butter go missing, and a significant amount of my new vegan butter tub as well as ½ a carton of my oat milk. Now, I don’t want nor expect a repayment, yet I know that this has happened to other kitchen users as well (and, as "[a colleague] knows, I ate her string cheese, left her a very apologetic note, and promptly replaced it).

We all know accidents happen. Glass jars tip over and crack, something spills, perhaps someone’s having a bad day, etc. But what I’m trying to address is the ghost of the kitchen aka “things mysteriously disappearing” that seems to constantly happen in this lovely fridge/freezer combination.

So to whomever out there is secretly helping him/herself to foodstuffs that aren’t his or hers, be a good doobie and stop! Your actions aren’t cool.

Becca

P.S. To the facilities staff: Please don’t remove this. Thanks!



has this stopped things from going missing? no. but it did help prompt a very stern email from the facilities staff, which stated that "this sort of disrespect for what belongs to others will not be tolerated. I am taking some surveillance measures so this sort of activity can be more closely monitored and if a person is caught taking what belongs to another, whether it is food, drink, desk contents, or whatever, the repercussions will probably be severe."

surveillance measures? repercussions? what could those entail? and would a tux, audi, and ice palace fit into the mix? or maybe just a nanny cam, fridge-style like salad dressing that's also a super sekret spy camera. so far, i've checked the milk, dishwasher, and sofa, but i've yet to find any surveillance devices. or my nuggets. boo.

testing, testing, 1, 2, 3.

newsweek.com has a fun quiz that'll test your knowledge of the 6th harry potter book. only take the quiz if you have finished the book. newsweek spoils the ending... a few of the questions have some current events humor thrown in. my favorite: the last one! hint: the answer is not d.

in the army now

this morning, i vocally expressed amazement about my army hairs. sadly, this sounded much more intriguing than what i meant to comment on: my hairy arms.

a whale of a time

in star trek IV, the voyage home, captain kirk and crew travel through time to san francisco (yippee!) where, after run-ins with the law and a screetchy blonde biologist chick, they return to the future with two humpback whales named george and gracie. the whales' song helps save earth from destruction, and all is well in the world post-ocean crash landing. so is it a coincidence that bart's synthesized voices, those which tell us about arrival announcements, train delays, and probably survival strategies should a major earthquake hit, are also named george and gracie? i think not.

< i > heart < u >

friend: i just took a quick crash course in html formatting.
me: i love html... all the little letters that get hugged!

saving face

i have serious issues with facebook, primarily the ads. sure, it's sort of obvious, but ads are the driving force of everything free these days. well, except public transit... why can't diet dr. pepper sponsor my bus? i'd be more willing to drink it (the soda, not the bus) than when it sponsors the sugar-free top chef quick fire challenge.

oh, and facebook etiquette. like, do i only become "friends" on the site with my actual, real, live friends? because then i'd have about 10 actual facebook friends and those 10 people would then be faced with the sad, hard fact that i only have nine other friends and i'm a closet loser. or do i accept every "friend" request that pops into my inbox? and how do i politely say no to the random guy i went to elementary through high school with who, once we turned 10, never gave me the time of day except to tell me, in 5th grade, that my hair looked like a dried up bird's nest?

with that in mind, this arrived in my inbox yesterday. gee, thanks loehmann's, for wanting to be my facebook friend! now i feel special. like a special loser who loves discounted merchandise.

they drive me crazy

to make a long story short, i had a crammed bus ride home yesterday where i listened to "womanizer" on 5 different radio stations over 45 minutes. as britney plays in the background when you're barely holding on to the top bar and there's ass grabbing and bus swervage, strange things pop into your head. or my head. behold, a revamped version of the beginning of "womanizer" in homage to the full-busted woman.

original lyrics can be found here. audio version of song is here. i've also embedded the original for your listening ease.


Minimizer
Superstars
I look down, and you’re going
Out in front
of the lace you ain’t flowing

You can play brand new to
All the bouncy t!ts down here
But I know what you are
What you are, b00bies

Look at you
Moldin' more than just a B-cup
Baby you
Hold all my puppies with their strings up

Fakin' like a Maidenform
But I call 'em like I see 'em
I know what you are
What you are, b00bies

Minimizer, mini-minimizer
You're a minimizer
Oh, minimizer, oh
Need a minimizer, baby

You, you, you are
You, you, you are
Minimizer, minimizer
Minimizer

Bra don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah
Bra don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah

You stopped me overflowing
You're oh so charming
And I can't change it
You minimizer

Bra don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah
Bra don't try to front, uh, I
Know just, just, what you are, ah, ah

Some say I'm a D
I look like a C
You're something oh a
Minimizer

all rights reserved by me

dino might

early this morning, i saw this headline on the chronicle's website.

i work in soma (aka south of market district), and late night fights, brawls, and broohahas aren't too surprising. we've got streetside peeing, afternoon window smashing, and every now and then, a few very happy meth addicts selling gummy watches and god. so a fist fight isn't too out there in my book. but a fight about dinosaurs? or even better, with dinosaurs? this intrigued me. until i looked below the headline...

the scientists at the cell biology conference are starting the war on theories. if you want to win, you'd better bring it, nerds. none of this spring break in fort lauderdale crap. dinosaurs are serious stuff, man. i should know. we went to see the dinosaur exhibit every year or so back in elementary school, and the day glo paint and plastic flora knocked it home that those mighty beasts rocked this planet way back in the day. so bring it. pocket protector is optional.

if i freed it, would it be tree-son?

knee recovery is going well. today i left the house without a crutch (yesterday i mainly used it as a defense mechanism on MUNI anyway. take that, old man with three canes and a fake leg!), although i wore bermudas today (hello, heat wave!!!), which reveals about 1/2 of my lovely leg wrap to the world.

i've been able to lightly shower, and the main benefits are smelling less like crutches and this purple marker slowly rinsing away. nail polish remover got about half of it removed; i now just have a purple initial tattoo of my surgeon's second-in-command on my upper left thigh. sexy.


last friday was my first day out of the house, and to celebrate, todd and i walked over to one of my favorite sandwich (don't call 'em sammies) shops, jay's cheesesteak. it's no laspadas (they don't offer many veggie options... but they're absolutely AWESOME with a capital a), but jay's has killer seitan cheesesteaks (in addition to meat ones). as i was hobbling along grove, we came across this poor incarcerated tree. i'm not sure which one of us had it worse. me: stuck in an apartment with a bum knee, but with ample shade, food, cat, and nintendo. tree: lots of sun and fresh air, active composting, but with no means of escape. i think i'll give this one to the tree.

real gaming for real girls

a little while back, i got a huge surprise in my inbox. brand about town had stumbled upon my blogs and wondered if i might consider being a brand enthusiast for a girl-oriented campaign centering around the nintendo ds lite. my obligations would be minimal: i'd receive some nintendo products over the next year, and i'd also host a "girls' guide to gaming" party for me and 30 or so bay area women. the marketing company would coordinate the event and pay for all the party's expenses, and my responsibility would be the guest list.

i read through the email, did some google searching, and thought back to my nintendo-playing days as a child. we had the original nes, and after school, my mom, sister, and i would play super mario (1, 2, and 3) and the legend of zelda. after about 48 hours of buddhist-like contemplation, i responded and said, "i'm in!" (only in longer, more structured paragraph form).

fast-forward to this past friday: i was organizing everything to work from home for the next week (knee surgery, legal drugs, and buttered toast, oh my!) when the receptionist informed me i had a package. lo and behold, i opened this white box to find a cute onyx-colored nintendo ds lite with pink rhinestones in a chic pink case! colleagues came by and salivated, and one even borrowed it later in the day and played brain age 2 (i think she simply wanted to make sure it was safe for me to play... thanks, l.!). todd has also borrowed it once or twice over the weekend, but i think the pink heart will safely deter him from slipping it in his pocket on the way out the door. phew. thank goodness for sparkles.

just beat it

Dear Dosa,

I've been to your restaurant for dinner before, but it was recently brought to my attention that you offer brunch! I looked at the online menu today, and noticed you're offering:

Red Beet Cumin- Roasted pureed red beats with a swirl of crème fraîche

Both beets should be spelled "ee." Beats are things you do with your feet when dancing. Or you can beat eggs into a lovely meringue. Or what you might want to do to a crazy dude who warbles away incessantly out on Mission night after night.

Regards,
Becca

tastes good with catsup!

for those who need a laugh, chuckle, or snort today. thanks, i can has cheezeburger!

time to shave

just a few hours until harry potter in 3d! i'm all prepped. tickets, check. boyfriend on the road towards the metreon, check. backpack full of "healthy" movie treats (raspberries, pretzels, trail mix, orzo salad, caprese salad, and root beer) to off-set the scent of popcorn and nachos in our midst, check.

on a side note, book 7 is scheduled to be delivered on july 21st, the same day we have a's tickets. luckily the game is at 6pm, which gives me about 8 hours to finish the book. if i don't, i'll probably cry. or hex you.

long live harry potter!