i love shiny things

i found a chilean 100 peso coin in my office at work last week. i have never been to chile, nor do i know of anyone who recently has traveled there. the coin roughly translates into 20 cents (US).

i've kept the coin at my desk, looking at it in awe and confusion. i don't know how it got onto my dirtier-than-a-sidewalk carpet, but it's good looking coinage, hefty at 7.58 grams, and a shiny mix of silver and gold coating. for now, i think i'll keep it.

trashed

a coworker posted this on our work fridge the other day. as he's a data analyst, i was slightly disappointed that he didn't provide some kind of regression analysis of the mold spores and how, based on the amount of compounded growth and factoring in the average fridge temperature over a given work day (allowing for so much variance via a 10-second opening of the fridge door for 40 employees), he had determined that the rotting fruit had been in the fridge for x days. maybe this would be accompanied by an explanatory graph. or a colorful comic. but the note was a good start. and yes, he signed it.

fashion fail?

today i'm wearing this cute tee; it's adorned with clear, colorless sequins, and i paired it with a grey cardigan and black/white houndstooth-like pants. todd asked me if i was dressed to match my office's disco ball. man, if my office had a disco ball, i'd so be rocking me some bee gees tunes and a pair of go-go boots.

this morning

walking down the little side street to work this morning, i was fairly oblivious, listening to npr's discussion of tax season and the difficulties people have with understanding deductions, box checking, and child tax credits. when i reached the guard desk, our security man said, "hey, was someone honking at you out there?" so whomever was possibly honking their horn at me, i'm sorry that i was mentally sucked in to fm radio. it's archaic, i know. but i love it.

you'd think she would have noticed the rings on my finger.

i jumped through all the hoops to change my last name at work: marriage license, social security card, new W-2 form, etc. with a new email address in hand, i sent a message to those i work closely with, but don't really know on a personal level--those who most likely didn't know that i had gotten married. one of the women emailed me to say that she'd let all of her colleagues know, so that i wouldn't need to send out any more emails to her staff. delegating tasks rocks.

last week, i traveled to one of our other local offices for a presentation, and during lunch, a colleague whom i'd never met before came up to me and said, "i don't know whether to congratulate or console you." to which i replied, "um... but why?" she said, "i received the email about your new last name and that it was because of a "life-altering event." you're so young! why did you get divorced?"

word sensical

i had a work meeting, and one of my colleagues kept using the word commonsensical. as in, "everyone should automatically put a screen lock on their iphones. it's so commonsensical."

commonsensical? according to websters, it's a real word. well, sort of. they list is as an adjective form of common sense. but i haven't been able to find any real dictionary that lists this crazy take on a very basic noun. i brought it up one night with todd.

t: commonsensiwhat?
b: like nonsensical? (caveat: another word that irks me)
t: or logical (or maybe he said tropical)?
b: or testicle.

no, sir, my fingers are sick.

it's so cold in my office, i'm wearing gloves as i type.

my very legal baggie full of pot

since i live in the city and can't get packages reliably delivered at home (this includes pretty much anything larger than an envelope!), i have most things sent to me at work, including bras, cat food, and everything nintendo.

awhile back, the branding chicks down in LA sent me a cooking game for my dsi along with a really cool cuisinart cooking pot. i took the cooking assistant game home with me, as it was small and could fit in my purse, but i kept the stew pot at work for odd reasons that now don't make too much sense, like we were running out of room with the wedding gifts piling up, and i couldn't figure out how to get the pot home easily on the bus.

it's quite possibly been six months since receipt, but last friday, i decided to start this new year off right--getting back to blogging, straightening up my office were amongst my non-resolutiony goals. that evening, i carted my pot home in an old navy bag (which amazingly, never even got so much as a hole in it. how do old navy bags hold up better than their clothes?) via the bus. but how is it i didn't get one pot joke (besides from todd and me) the whole way home?


* as a nintendo wii and dsi brand ambassador through brand about town, i receive free games and other products, like a nintendo dsi and a dsi xl. the wii, though, was a wedding gift from a good friend. the opinions expressed in this blog are mine and the facts true.

it's a hold up

today i've had three coworkers ask me if i'm celebrating anti-st. patrick's day (i'm in all black and white). sigh, but no. another one asked the receptionist to verify that "olive green is still green, right?" in other news, my pants are sagging and require a belt to stay up on my hips, but silly me, i don't own one single belt, so i'm wearing todd's. lunchtime plans may now include a trip to tj maxx and a tall, cold beer cider.

give me down-to-there hair

yesterday, i decided to sleep in a little and wear my hair curly to work. the extra 20 min. of sleep came back to bite me in the ass when, upon getting into the elevator at work, my former boss looked at me and said, "oh, are those little ringlets natural? they're so cuuuuuuuuuuute!" i like my job a ton and don't know what i'd do without it, so i fought back the urge to comment on how her highlights nicely disguise her growing number of gray hairs. instead, i told her that i accidentally stuck my finger in a light socket before coming to work.

but the whole thing got me thinking: is cute what i want to be? do i want to be cute or just have cute hair? is there anything wrong with being cute? or is it something, like khaki cargo pants, better left relegated to casual friday?

but can i give him alka seltzer?

yesterday, we took da' kat, who was squinting his left eye up a storm (either there's something in his eye or he was really happy to see me!), to the weekend emergency vet. after everything else that's happened with him, i'd rather be safe than sorry... an hour later, we boarded a 43 bus home with an optional tube of eye ointment (should his eye get worse) and minus $143.

last night, alphie spit out some wild sneezes (but these kitty sneezes were cute! ack-cheeeuu! ack-cheeeuu!), so this morning, after whipping out the iron for my pants and a shirt of todd's, i attacked the bathroom with scrubbing bubbles; followed by bleaching the mold on the kitchen window; cleansing the stove top, kitchen counters, and window frames; and dusting most of the furniture. then i vacuumed most of the apartment, all before 8:30AM. sounds all noble and inspiring, right? but now i'm starving, and i have an uncommon urge to windex my office windows...

oh no you di'int

i'm prissy. yes, i admit it. i don't intentionally do anything illegal (accidentally totalling an suv and get my nose bashed in by police in riot gear are in a category all their own) . the seatbelt is fastened, i don't carry a concealed weapon, and i file my taxes. for example, a few years ago, i took my mom and kevin to rainbow, a super-duper vegetarian (minus the supplements and cat food) grocery down near the mission and soma, and parking was atrocious. kevin parked right next to the city sign that said "no parking" in big letters and i got all snippy. "oh, no you don't! it's illegal!" i sqawked, to which he scoffed and cackled, especially when we left and didn't find any little envelope with a fine stuck anywhere near his car. but back on topic...

there's a thief at my place of employment. not a jewel thief or a prince of thieves. it's a food thief! when i was first hired, one of the first things one of my new colleagues said was, "watch out for your lunch! someone has a knack for stealing things left in the fridge or freezer." riiiight, i thought. at least, until my amy's vegan meatloaf was stolen from the freezer. and then someone started helping themselves to spoonfuls of my vegan butter tub (which had my name on it). and then my "this is becca's" labeled soy milk. and it wasn't just me; other people said the same things were happening to them, and yeah, i don't really care that their chicken salad and leftover bbq ribs were missing, but hey, it still sucks to be w/out lunch. many of us complained to facilities, which prompted lots of mass emails of "keep your hands and mouth where they belong" and such.

but i don't condone illegal things, sneakery, or cruelness, and a few weeks ago, when i found out that, of all things, my veggie "chicken" nuggets had gone missing, well, i fought back the best way i knew how. with a sword! er. with microsoft word and a laserjet printer!

my note said:

Earlier this week, I bought a box of Quorn Southwestern Chik’n Wings (and if you must know, Quorn products feature a mycoprotein, are fungus based, and are meatless). I added a few of the “wings” to my lunch on Tuesday, closed up the box, and put it back in the freezer. Today, Thursday, I went to heat up a few more, and lo and behold, the box is gone. No where to be found. Kaputsy.

This is the third time something like this has happened to me in the past six months; I’ve also had a whole tub of vegan butter go missing, and a significant amount of my new vegan butter tub as well as ½ a carton of my oat milk. Now, I don’t want nor expect a repayment, yet I know that this has happened to other kitchen users as well (and, as "[a colleague] knows, I ate her string cheese, left her a very apologetic note, and promptly replaced it).

We all know accidents happen. Glass jars tip over and crack, something spills, perhaps someone’s having a bad day, etc. But what I’m trying to address is the ghost of the kitchen aka “things mysteriously disappearing” that seems to constantly happen in this lovely fridge/freezer combination.

So to whomever out there is secretly helping him/herself to foodstuffs that aren’t his or hers, be a good doobie and stop! Your actions aren’t cool.

Becca

P.S. To the facilities staff: Please don’t remove this. Thanks!



has this stopped things from going missing? no. but it did help prompt a very stern email from the facilities staff, which stated that "this sort of disrespect for what belongs to others will not be tolerated. I am taking some surveillance measures so this sort of activity can be more closely monitored and if a person is caught taking what belongs to another, whether it is food, drink, desk contents, or whatever, the repercussions will probably be severe."

surveillance measures? repercussions? what could those entail? and would a tux, audi, and ice palace fit into the mix? or maybe just a nanny cam, fridge-style like salad dressing that's also a super sekret spy camera. so far, i've checked the milk, dishwasher, and sofa, but i've yet to find any surveillance devices. or my nuggets. boo.

a little cagey

young tween girls are lined up outside of the goat hill pizza/gay dance club across from my office, screeching at the top of their lungs. the draw is neither the sourdough crust, the cage dancing, nor my project management skills. they're all here to see squeaky clean justin bieber warble a few tunes. it's like nkotb (or at least 1/5 of it) all over again.

a comma coma

the other day, a coworker sent this request out officewide via email:

I'm looking for a large black man's umbrella to borrow until next week.

most people in the office quickly understood that punctuation and readibility are not this person's forte, but all i wanted to know was was there a reason why she didn't want a small asian american man's umbrella?

sukkot uh-oh

last friday, i got a call from a colleague in southern california. i hear from her once every few months, and each time she manages to emanate massive waves of jewish guilt on multiple levels. the beginning of our latest exchange went something like this:



me: hello, this is becca.

yael: hello becca hxxxxxxman*! it's such a glorious day!!!

me: hi there, yael **. what can i do for you?

yael: well, first off, i want to apologize. i know i'm calling you on sukkot, and yes, i agree, i should be home celebrating with my family, going to temple and services, and taking a well-deserved break, but i'm sure you know how it is, we just have so much work to do and deadlines deadline deadlines, whoopee!!! but it's all for the children, right? i hope i'm not keeping you from leaving to go to your temple for the festivities! i mean, there are just so many special days to observe right now, and we shouldn't forget that god and everyone are constantly warming up our lives with joy, but without work, all we'd have left is temple! and family! and leftover challah sandwiches! but sheesh, keeping it all in balance is just so important for me. i mean, i've already taken three vacation days in the past week to observe, and i bet it's the same for you, too, right, becca hxxxxxxman*? i mean, right now i should be hanging fruit and finishing up the sukkah! how's yours coming along?

me: ...***


* she always calls me by my first and last names. thankfully she doesn't know my first name is officially rebecca nor anything about my middle name. if she asks, i'm becca tuttifruiti razzmatazz hxxxxxxman, in honor of the most ingenious jolly rancher flavor never to have been created. or at least mass produced.
** name changed to protect and confuse, just like bart police.
*** this is where i debated running and hiding in the publications closet, but i declined and stuck with the call. there's no wifi down there, and i'd miss my google reader way too much.

missed piggy

i'm baaaaack! sun, sand, and tons of humidity made my mind go all fuzzy, but now that my tan is starting to slowly fade, it's time to get back into my regular routine.

this fax arrived at work today. we often receive travel and "special one-time-only deals" spam via the fax, but this one, i think, really tops them all, mainly because it's totally ludicrous but real.

the fax advertises a conference on how to react to and deal with a potential second wave of swine flu. for just under $2,000, this school principal (that's who the fax is directed toward; seems the company's database isn't up-to-date) could spend two days (minus transportation, meals, hotel, incidentals, etc.) learning about how to deal with swine flu, including the disease's pyschological issues, medical waste concerns, and border health services. i understand that conferences cost money and this topic may be relevant to a wide range of fields including department of defence and public health employees, but marketing something like this to schools, and during this economy? and using words like "fatal" once, "mass fatality" once, and "pandemic" three times just seems like new-fields, the conference coordinator, is abusing the current state of affairs.

open the images in new tabs or click on them for the full size versions.

my new view

this morning i noticed a newish billboard outside of my office window, and funny enough, sfist posted about it today, too. the cool part: it promotes vegetarianism! the sort-of-downside: it's sponsored by the supreme master, who many believe runs a religious cult. i'm not quite sure she's all genuine (c'mon, she's not a natural blonde!), but her disciples run golden era, one of the best vegetarian restaurants in the city, and she's trying to encourage green living as opposed to most other religious groups. for now, i give her a thumbs up.

my motto? lotto!

one of my workmates just returned from buying her weekly lotto tickets, and she noticed that the tickets included a small line of text announcing that this week is national problem gambling awareness week. good job, tiny text. she noticed you. and she still bought five tickets.

< i > heart < u >

friend: i just took a quick crash course in html formatting.
me: i love html... all the little letters that get hugged!

this way up

this morning, i hopped into the elevator in the lobby, and there was already someone in it. i expected him to get out (as the lobby is our lowest floor), but he didn't. i hit the button for the 5th floor, and the 3rd floor was also illuminated. the elevator stopped at the second floor, but nobody got off. or on.

becca: is this your stop?
random guy: no.
b: but were you here a minute ago? did you push the up button?
rg: yes. i wanted to go up, so i got in, but the elevator went down.
b: did you notice if the down arrow lit up before you got in?
rg: arrows? i don't know these things. i pushed the buttons [yes, he pushed the buttons.], the doors opened a few minutes later. but the elevator went down. i don't get it.
b: does this happen to you a lot?
rg: actually, yes.
[and he exited when we reached the 3rd floor.]

with this in mind:

dear career counselors, recruiters, and people lacking vital life experiences,

life skills are important. without them, people may remain stuck in elevators for life. and never realize why. there are only so many lost souls i can help.

b.