11.02.2005

things i learned today while waiting for a bus

cabbies will not stop for you:
  • if you simply stare at them.
  • if you stare at them as they drive past you and then you pout because they didn't "know" that you wanted a cab.
  • if you mentally think really really really hard about how much you want and desire a cab at that very instant.
  • if you squeeze your hand and then wrinkle your mouth with dissatisfaction.
  • or if you yell "jesus christ" a few times.
none of these are universally recognized methods for hailing a cab. instead, try:
  • checking to see if the yellow light that says "taxi" on top of a cab is lit.
  • if so, raise your arm and wave, while looking at the cab.
  • if necessary, also yell "taxi." this works best in conjested areas like union square.
  • calling a cab. in san francisco, i highly recommend luxor cab company(415.282.4141)
you might need to resort to desperate measures. if so, try:
  • flashing the cabbie. this only works if you have a rack. if you're male and have more than an aa cup, DO NOT attempt. this will be a surefire way to NOT get a cab.
  • jump in front of the cab. verify that you have adequate health insurance beforehand.
  • starting a new profession as a cabbie. think about it. you'll always have a ride somewhere. although you'll have to make sure your brakes squeak, there are at least 2 cigarette burn holes on the back seat, and that you always speak in another language on your cell phone (which is adhered to your ear by a nifty velcro attachment) 24/7. oh, and you'll listen to smooth jazz.
  • taking a bus. wild, yes, but crazy, no.

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