conference don'ts

conferences are always great- time away from work combined with sessions on general topics allowing you to doodle and count down the minutes via hangman (although note to self: one-person hangman doesn't quite work). there are almost always little bugs at conferences, though, that keep it from running smoothly.

1. if you're not interested in the session, feel free to whip out your daily knitting. but make sure you're crafting a warm cashmere throw for yours truly. in purple, please.

2. some older women need to tease their hair. but don't tease and spray your bangs so they're the height equal or greater to the distance from your eyebrows to the top of your forhead (go ahead and measure-- it'll only take a second). because of your hairy situation, i'll blame the hole in the ozone layer on you.

3. don't build your conference rooms right underneath the streetcars or very close to the BART or underground. and if you do, make sure to provide motion sickness pills, ginger ale, and barf bags to your attendees.

4. so when offering breakfast, expect that people will want cream cheese with their bagels. don't push the big tubs of marmalade and pinkish jam and massive pads of butter. repeat after me: cream cheese, cream cheese, cream cheese!