yet i'm no kelly clarkson

while i was suffering through grandparent/relative hell bliss mania this weekend, todd was on his way east. and not just anywhere east, but to connecticut (where we met), the cape, and new york (he'd better bring me a souvenier, i tell ya. do they sell astronaut ice cream at the baseball museum?). it's been nice to have a few days on my own, and the cat definitely enjoys the undivided attention, but i have to tell ya, this world is not accepting of single people. not people who are single. but one person. as in anymore people than 1. like a group. like when you go to a restaurant and you want a table. for one. 1. and they give you a look. and say "just 1?" as if my mysteriously invisible date is all of a sudden going to appear out of nowhere. or that i am not worthy of their half-assed attempt at the best semi-not-fine dining in the haight because it's simply me and not me and three friends who will yack and shriek and take up the table for 4 times as long for, in the end, the same amount of money/minute. or when i go to a movie and order a small popcorn. and the guy says "for just another $6, you can upgrade to a large popcorn and large soda and raisinets" (and they have dark chocolate raisinets- yum). and i'm like "um. no. then you'd have to roll me out of the theater and down the escalator and heave me onto a bus and carry me up 4 flights of stairs and grease me down with crisco before squeezing me through my doorway." and then he gives me the look. just like the restaurant host. "oh. you're alone. by yourself. without company. nevermind." as if we can't do anything alone anymore because that symbolizes that we don't jive with the rest of the world. or that i may make a decision that carries just as much weight as anyone elses, but it's only for me. i can't convince anyone else in line to get a sack-o heart attack pack. it's as if oh, no, she's gone to a movie by herself. and only gotten a small bag of fat and carbs instead of the artery-clogging one. and only paid $7.50 for a so-so movie instead of $15. the movie studios will earn less of a profit because i (and a handful of other peeps) am making decisions for myself and only myself, instead of being swayed into giving into our out-of-control consumerist ways such as dragging the boyfriend to a movie he didn't want to see, focusing on clothes and self-indulgence and extravagence and pleasing everyone except myself. oh boo hoo. suck it up and deal, america. i did, and todd's probably a lot happier for it. how's that for thinking for the group?

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