top secret

last week, i was picking up around the apartment. socks here, a random cat toy there... and todd says, "what's that sound?" i didn't hear anything, but as i kept moving, we realized that my bra squeaked! every time my upper body moved, thar she blew. my delusional self told me it was nothing; perhaps this angel just misplaced her wings. friday i was on a conference call with dept. of education folks, and i reached to plug in my laptop, and sqeeeaaak! i looked around me. one colleague was hastily finishing his yogurt before the call began and the other dilligently reading through his notes. i sat back down, and twisted to grab my pen. sqeeeaaak! i thought to myself, not another one! i quickly looked at my bra strap and saw it was the same chocolate bra that had creaked and hemmed and hawed earlier at home. over the weekend, i tested out my other other-the-shoulder-boulder holders and concluded that only my favoritist bra ever was making any noise. boo. on sunday, i took the yakking underwired mess back to victoria's secret, where this lovely conversation occurred:

VS chick: hi! welcome to victoria's secret! may i help you with anything today?
becca: actually, yes! i bought this bra last month (with my angels card, no less), and now it squeaks. i have several others, none of which makes a sound. but this one, it squeaks. all the time. in meetings, at home, tucked away in my drawer, everywhere! i wash all of them the same. could you help me?
VS c: um. really? it squeaks?
b: yes. see? (whips out bra, lightly taps underwire. "squeak!")
VS c: tee hee hee hee hee! ha! wow. cool!
b: um. no. not cool. especially at work. people might think i need oiling or something.
VS c: let me see what i can do. (puts on headset and loudly announces any staff listening) i have a customer here who bought several bras awhile ago. now one of them, um, ah, squeaks tee hee! and she thinks people notice it.
b: no. they do. really. my boyfriend pointed it out to me from 10 feet away, and i'm pretty sure the whole federal government knows by now. as does anyone riding a 21, 5, 30, or 9x bus. and my neighbors- gee, what if they've heard it though the floorboards?
VS c: uh huh. uh huh. i know. crazy! uh huh. (takes off headset) yeah, we'll do an exchange for you. just this once. hee hee hee! squeak!

then i got lectured about never using a washing machine to wash my bras, even though in the 16 years of wearing them, i've never had a squeaky bra incident. ever. but, the good thing was i left with a replacement bra, although not in the chocolate color i've loved so dearly and headed to the gym to practice making my knee go around in circles on the bike. moral of the story: squeaky bra is to funny stares as sports bra is to uniboob. and sadly, i think i'd prefer the confused looks anyday.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

so my girlfriend's been bitching about this for a while. after reading your post and a dozen others like it, I got her to take it off and show me. um, show me the bra that is. there's a little rubber cap on the end of the wire that comes loose. we just wiggled it back in place and the squeaking stopped. hope others suffering this tragic hardship find this!