you can call me lemon drop.

american gladiators is back after a multi-year (what, like 15-20?) year hiatus. watching last week, i came to some conclusions.

  1. before applying, make sure you have adequate health insurance. remember, those flimsy hard hats don't do much except give you helmet head. also, make water, fire, and hellga insurance a priority.
  2. instill fear in your opponents with your abs of steel. if you don't have abs, have them sprayed on. remember, mind over matter.
  3. wolf isn't a smart puppy. hoooooooooooooowl!
  4. this show is a step up for hulk hogan. no annoying family or animals to distract him from his most manly mission ever: to encourage all over-age men to straighten and dye their hair to the point of resembling dry straw. he's bringing sexy back!
  5. pick out a positive and powerful name for yourself. and one that doesn't bring to mind boys running around cow-tipping in their overalls while chewing hulk's hair straw for an afternoon snack (like "big country").
  6. the lines, lighting, audience, host, gladiators, background stories.... everything, really, is cheesy. it's 100% american. american gladiators, that is.

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