disrepair in the air

like many san franciscans, i signed up for alertsf, which sends "alerts regarding emergencies disrupting vehicular/pedestrian traffic, watches and warnings for tsunamis, flooding, and Citywide post-disaster information to your registered wireless devices and email accounts."

until now, i'd maybe received one notice a month due to flooding or a very major multi-block accident. with the bay bridge closed, i've received eight text messages (and eight identical emails), including this very informative one:

A new email has been sent to your AlertSF email account related to the Bay Bridge.

right now, i have my hand up by my forehead, and i'm tipping my hat (well, sort of pulling my pink and grey striped beanie up and down) to you, alertsf, for you may be in cahoots with verizon. this message alone (and yes, i'm trying to ignore the awkward sentence construction; my email account is not related nor has ever been married to the bay bridge) cost me 20 cents, and the very important, must-know-right-this-second message was... the bridge may not reopen tomorrow, so i should plan on an alternate commute route. well, buddies, i neither walk, bike, nor drive across the bridge each day (nor do i join the herd and take BART), but thanks for telling me to check my email.

not to be outdone, alertsf has also recommended that i make alternate plans and relocate my weekly backstroke training from the bay to another large body of water due to the most recent oil spill. next up: alertsf will call in the hazmat team regarding the dark blobs pushed into a corner in my fridge. little to they know, those aren't blobs. they're... kalamata olives. muahahahahaha!

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