how not to interview someone

over the past 6 years, i've gone on countless interviews. some were calm and boring, while others the complete opposite. here's my top list of things not to do when interviewing a candidate:
  1. don't continue to look at my resume when you can't remember my name. yes, sometimes 5 little letters can be tricky. if need be, stencil my name on my forehead beforehand. i won't notice it, but you sure will.
  2. don't allow the security guard to interview me first. otherwise, he might just hire me without your consent.
  3. don't curse every f^cking fourth word when f^cking interviewing me. for some f^cking odd reason, it just f^cking puts me off.
  4. when giving a tour, do not include the secret room where you keep the superman costume and telephone booth. however, do introduce me to clark kent.
  5. don't mention you've somehow managed to run through 4 temps in 5 months. your business might be stable, but i may question your mental stability.
  6. don't ask me to handwrite my employment information onto your own application. really, you're asking for trouble. this is the girl who never officially graduated from handwriting class in 5th grade and was forced to use pencil for the remainder of the year. but if you really want me to scribble my job history for you, at least leave enough room. a 1/2"x1/2" box isn't big enough to detail my underwear preference, much less my job title, responsibilities, and achievements.
  7. if you're a placement agency, and you have no positions that i might be remotely eligible for, yet you encourage me to come in for an exciting interview that could change my future, be prepared to receive a dry cleaning bill within the week. remember, every trip on muni presents a 50/50 chance of me ruining my one and only suit. and i really. like. my. suit.
  8. i don't want to sell insurance. or newspapers. or children from peru. or be an enterprise rent-a-car store manager. so stop spamming me.
  9. and if you really like me, don't go searching for my blog. and if you find it, keep it on the down low. and if you want to live a long, healthy, organic life, don't tell my references about it.

1 comment:

James said...

I hate going on interviews! Good luck!