new daily schedule

6AM: wake up to sounds of cat howling. damn sun. put cat under arm, spoon, sleep, drool. repeat every 5 minutes.
7:12AM: groggily walk to kitchen. throw can opener and can of cat food at cat. fall fast asleep on hallway rug.
7:16AM: wake up to shrimp and lobster-scented face bath. enjoy exfoliation, but recognize that this is. not. normal. rinse skin and hop back in bed.
7:31AM: kqed officially announces it's time to wake up. for todd, that is. steal his pillow and return to dream state.
7:55AM: toes are not a second meal for furballs. roll counterclockwise out of bed. refill cat water (with brita, of course). rinse toes.
8:00AM: normal morning routine: brush teeth, wash face, apply 4-inch fake eyelashes, check-in with personal assistant (i.e. whatever i wrote on back of hand yesterday), breakfast, email, perezhilton.com, fantasy baseball.
9:00AM: Dawson's Creek
10:00AM: some kind of housework (vacuuming, ironing, pillow fluffing, spider smushing)
11:12AM: bodywork: gym, PT, yoga dvd, crunches, stretching, pedicure, scrubbing notes off hand, temporary tattoos
12:28PM: lunch (mac & cheese, potato & green chile burrito, toast, salad, grapes, chocolate chips and wheat thins)
1:30PM: job searching. check all sites (craigslist, opportunityknocks, ynpn, idealist, hotjobs, careerbuilder, chronicle of philanthropy, northern california grantmakers, foundation center, sfgate, monster, oakland a's, poledancersrus, etc.) at least three times.
4:00PM: wow. the cat used a can opener. try to teach cat new tricks, like smushing spiders or fetching cheese. fail at spider task. guess they don't taste good. run out of cheese. cat posts ad on craigslist for new owner, preferably one who works at cowgirl creamery. receives 28 responses in 7 minutes.
4:12PM: phone rings! yes, they want to hire me! no, they want me to give them money. pout and stomp feet.
4:15PM: think about dinner and what i can make with broccoli, strawberries, flour tortillas, quinoa, and hummus.
5:00PM: call Rotee.
5:45PM: todd arrives home. confirm i got lots accomplished. hurridly place paneer tikka masala in front of his nose before he asks more questions.
7:00PM: vow to go to grocery tomorrow. and make go kit. and search and apply for more jobs. and visit laundraumat. and get cheese.