5 things not to get your mom for her birthday

unless she asks for them.
and even then, you might want to avoid 'em.






1. a night out. at a strip club. wearing a tiara. with you.
perhaps for a bachelorette party, but your mom is no longer a bachelorette. trust me.

2. barry manilow cd's
she's not dead yet, either. (barry white is acceptable, though.)

3. botox
not so much because you'll make her feel bad, but because then you'll want some, too. and that stuff gets to be expensive!

4. an itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka dot bikini
unless she's a size 0 like my mom. and still. this one's a no.

5. grandchildren
only if she's popping the kiddies out herself.