10.30.2007

random house

recently, my dad emailed me. we haven't spoken in about 3 years, and it seems there's a lot i never knew about him. i've been "sitting" on the email for the past week, debating how to respond, and i'm about to send the most generic response i can think of, but i thought i'd share some of the more interesting ones (that didn't get written) below.

original email

just want to say hi, see how you are, where you're working, what you're doing- hope all is well, how is Todd? and the cookies- any great recipes? Dad

Potential responses


dear dad,

thanks for the email. please resend with proper punctuation.

becca




dear dad,

i'm working a super secret spy agency located somewhere in the xxxxxxx. right now, i’m saving the world from xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. this email will self-destruct in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, DELETE!




dear dad,

i’m doing great. i still love kitties, bunnies, and the baby sitters’ club. my favorite color is purple, and rest time is my favorite subject. i like cookies, too, but mom won’t let me near the oven yet. she says i’ll just burn myself.

becca




yo pops,

my girlfriend and i are getting married soon. i hope i get to be the bride! i really don’t want to wear the pants in this relationship anymore.

becca




dear dad,

as you don’t remember much of the last 27+ years, i thought i’d bring you up to speed.

i’ve changed my last name to more closely reflect who i feel i really am on the inside. i am now becca churro-bananahammock-gorovich-booyah or becca cbgb for short. todd and i are doing very well, and our alpaca farm here in tibet is really prospering. guess who's getting warm sweaters for the holidays?!?! we have four children named scooby, sneezy, scratchy, and ddot, and a dog named justin. cookies don’t rise too well in our altitude, but boy can we make a mean crepe.

becca

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