rubber duckie, i'm awfully fond of you

tops 5 reasons why cold medicine is great

5. memories of days gone by when you could take big swigs of grape-flavored liquid and still smile about it.
4. everyone else is doing it.
3. you now get carded (at least when it contains pseudoephedrine), no matter how old you are.
2. it hides the symptoms and makes you think you can do superwoman tasks, like clean all the windows with the new mr. clean scrub pad. it's magical.
1. after chugging it, you dream silly and impossible things, like ll cool j being tom cruise's publicist. sweet.