i kid you not.

reasons why todd and i haven’t popped out kids yet

1. alphie would be jealous.

2. i bribe todd to carry watermelon home from trader joe’s, so how could i lug one around in my belly for 9 months and then push it out of my vajayjay?

3. we’ve taken a vow of celibacy celery. no ants on a log or cool relief from morningstar “buffalo wings” for us.

4. our kid could never compare to oren (cuteness-wise, at least. see above.).

5. todd’s still got hope that gisele bundchen, heidi klum, or natalie portman will run away with him.

6. we're not married yet. or at all. (see #5)

7. it would interfere with my drinking problem. *hiccup*

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